A colleague of mine recently took me to task for the tone of my last few blogs. She thought that I had been too uniformly positive. I laughed at her, but later I started thinking about the wisdom of her words.

Our workplace society is one that praises the positive. We give kudos to the employees who happily go along with the institution’s mission. Let’s face it: we’re happier when we don’t have to fight staff or colleagues over trying to get things done. We praise the positive. We criticize the negative. And I have to agree. I’m certainly happier when the LRC staff enjoys what they’re doing and want to work with me on our projects.

But unfortunately, my happiness is not the mission of the LRCl; providing the best service for students is. And labeling what might be constructive criticism or whole-hearted debate as negativity ensures that the best solution for any problem will never be found. It is the wise supervisor or instructor or just plain person who is willing to hear dissenting views and possible problems to get to the best possible solution. Sure, no one wants a never-ending gripe session, but the wise person knows how to distinguish between the two.

So this is for my friend who thought I had gotten too positive. Being positive has its advantages. But insisting that everyone around you must agree with you as the only way to be positive is not the answer. Sure, it might make the day smoother in the short run. But it also very well may lead to short-sighted solutions that are not terribly productive and sometimes just downright destructive in the long run.

Once I asked a friend of mine why she always included a person who was known to be a little negative on almost every committee she chaired. She grinned mischievously at me, “Oh, Faye,” she said, “she makes me think through my opinions. And she reminds me that I may not be omniscient. That’s not a bad trade for a few negative comments.” I think she’s right. So my motivator for this week is this: Be careful about what you label negative.

Our version of the book Christmas tree!

Yesterday Emily emailed the staff a link to a picture of a library Christmas tree made of books. I thought it was cute and wondered if we could do the same. But  then I forgot about it. After all, we have students finishing up papers and starting to prepare for finals. And we’re moving things around getting ready for the renovations that are to start in our building in a week.

Then later in the evening, we had a small break from the endless stream of questions that always accompany the last week of classes. Maybe we had a moment to get in the holiday spirit. Maybe it was that we had eaten several pounds of the candy we had brought to give out to students. But we started thinking that maybe we could make a book Christmas tree ourselves. So we did.

I called Emily out of her cubicle to help me. She went up to find some rarely used books for us to use. I started laying out the first row with some older reference tomes. Then everyone got involved.  Charles started looking in one of the closets and found some decorations that had not been used in years. Our student worker Tena helped drape the garland and hang our ornaments. Then Charles found some lights. At the end of the evening, we had a most beautiful book tree as well as two lit up and decorated potted plants. And we, along with the students, had a great time in the process.

So what was the lesson learned by the great book tree endeavor? Maybe it’s that the library staff needs to eat less sugar. Maybe it’s that we need to weed out some of those reference books that make up the base of our tree. But it just may be that when you’re the most stressed and sure that you don’t have time to do anything other than work, that’s just when you need to let a little fun in your life.

Tomorrow NSCC begins its last week of the fall semester. Students are trying to finish papers and study for finals. The Testing Center, Learning Center, Library, and the Open Lab are full to the brim. It’s a time when many students feel stress and pressure. And this is a time when many faculty and staff members too feel pressure and stress to get everything done.

But it also time when the smallest kind and cheerful gesture can make all the difference in the world. So the message for this week: Be cheerful and kind to those who are feeling stressed out, even when it’s obvious they don’t deserve it.

One of my most cherished memories from college is from my freshman year. It was the last day of finals, and my roommate had already gone home, taking the alarm clock with her. I overslept and didn’t wake up until my final was to start. Absolutely panicked, I ran to the math building, picked up my test, and sat in the back of the room. Math had never been my best subject, and I was in no shape to do my best work.  I was close to tears.

Suddenly, my math instructor appeared by my side. In his gentle Iranian accent, he said that I was not to worry. If it took more than two hours, I could stay and finish the test. Now more than 20 years later, I don’t remember any algebra. I remember almost nothing else about that year. But I do remember the kind man who took the time to allay my fear, when he didn’t have to and could have easily berated or just ignored me.

I do not always live up to his example, but it is always there as a goal of mine: to put people ahead of policy when possible.

The Jolly Librarian and the entire staff of the NSCC Library wish everyone a happy and restful Thanksgiving. For those of you who are finishing research papers over the break, remember that you can access the databases from home with your “A” and pin numbers.

The library will reopen at 7:30 on Monday, November 30. We’ll see you then!

This is not the first time that I’ve written on this subject, but the holidays are always a good time to reflect on how much we’ve been given and how much need is out there. Plus, at the holidays, there are so many easy ways to give. My mail box has been full of requests from charities each day. At the grocery store, I can buy a box of food to give to the local hungry.

And it appears that the need is great. A recent article in The New York Times  states that hunger in the United States is at a fourteen-year high.

Many of us are truly fortunate. Our main concern for the holiday is that we don’t eat too much or gain too much weight. In such abundance, it only makes sense that we make room in our hearts for those who are hungry. Please give to your favorite charity this season.

Like most of my colleagues today, I came into work to find that our internet was down. That meant no access to library databases, students’ course shells, or even the simplest Google search. Now, no time is a good time for a college to be without the Internet. But this seemed an especially bad time: there were many, many students who had papers due and who needed research help or just access to their course shells to turn those papers in.

Most people handled the inconvenience well. The librarians guided students to little-used reference materials and found them books on the shelves for their research. In most cases, we all found ways to work around the problem.

Still, there were a few frayed tempers. We in the library were continuously asked when the internet was going to be fixed and if we were trying to fix it. “This is just messed up,” was a refrain that we heard over and over again.

A day like today is a good reminder that when things can’t be changed, perhaps the best solution is to change our attitude. Now, I have nothing against change. I think change is good!   But no amount of railing against the system today would have brought the internet up any faster. The only logical solution was to accept what was happening and find ways to get work done without it. That’s what happened in the library, and I’m sure it happened all over our campus as well. Having a general attitude of acceptance might not make a bad day a good one, but it surely can make a bad day manageable. And sometimes that’s victory enough.

A recent article in The New York Times reported on a study in the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography on the very real and harmful effects of workplace gossip.

But my topic today is not on the evils of workplace gossip or gossip in general. We may have all been taught that gossip is bad, but chances are we all indulge in it occasionally. And we know the difference between the occasional gossip that maybe bonds folks together and that which intends to do damage. My topic today is how to avoid the gossiper who is obviously wanting to do the latter.

The malicious workplace gossiper is depending on two things: one that you will agree and help spread the rumors but also that you won’t report him or her to the subject of the gossip. Therefore, the gossiper is usually eager to get you to say something as well. So one of the most basic ways to get rid of such a person is to simply not agree. Saying something like, “Oh, well, I like that decision” or “I’ve always been treated fairly by our boss” can send such a person running. So why don’t more of us do it? One reason is that we’re often afraid of becoming that person’s next target.

A second approach might be to turn the gossip into a serious discussion. Malicious gossipers are usually not interested in solving a problem, but in blaming someone else. Asking “what do you think should have been done” often turns the conversation in another direction.

A third approach which worked for a friend of mine (at least during the month of January) was to say loudly when someone started in on gossip, “Oh no. My resolution for this year was not to talk about people” and then to walk off.

There is probably no simple answer, but being aware when gossip starts to turn malicious can help us keep our workplaces happier.

I had an interesting encounter with a colleague today. She was telling me about a problem, and I suggested something she should do to solve it. She was quite put out with me. “I just need to talk,” she said. “I want sympathy right now. That’s really something you should work on.”

Which it is. On the whole Mars/Venus thing, I usually come down more on the male side. When people tell me problems, my first instinct is to find a way to solve them, especially in the workplace.

I wonder at what point in our development does communication get so messed up? My three-year-old buddy has no problem. She says what she thinks, and if she asks for something, that’s what she wants, not something else. But for most of us, communication, with both loved ones and co-workers, ranks high on our problem list.

In this month’s O magazine, Tim Jarvis gives some pointers in “Hear Me, Hear Me.” One tip is to simply start noticing how people react to you. Now my colleague made it easy for me. She told me plain out that I wasn’t being sensitive to her problem and that what she needed was sympathy not solutions. But most of the time, the signs are more subtle. Here are some of Jarvis’s tips:

• You think you’re being helpful but notice that people are avoiding making eye contact with you or physically drifting away or nodding just to get you to stop talking. You may have gained a reputation as a know-it-all or someone who is always criticizing others. No one likes to feel constantly criticized. How to get back on track? Take a moment to ask people if they need your help. If they say no, no matter how much it hurts, back away.
• You’re talking, but noticed that others are fidgeting or even interrupting you. What’s going on? Well, assuming that you don’t work with complete social Neanderthals who know nothing about politeness, there could be a case of differing communication styles going on. This happens to me a lot. Although I’m an English major and love a good story as much as the next person, I don’t like long drawn-out descriptions of problems in the workplace. I need you to tell me the problem in one succinct sentence, and if I need more information, I’ll ask. So yes, if people start with the ancient history of the problem and start slowly working their way up to its current state, I’ll be doing some fidgeting, and I may even interrupt. So how to solve this problem? Look at how these people communicate; then work to match their styles more closely.
• Be clear about what you want from the encounter. Like my colleague today, if you simply want someone to listen to your problem, then say so at the beginning.
• Don’t spend a lot of time blaming. It really is a sad truth: No  one likes blamers; even when they’re right, most people come away from an encounter with them with a more negative feeling toward the blamer than the blamee. And in the workplace, more is accomplished when the effort is on solving the problem, not blaming someone for it.

These tips just scratch the surface. There are tomes and tomes of books written on communication skills. And I recommend that you take a look at some of them. But if you don’t, just remember that old saying: God gave us two ears but one mouth. So spend twice as much time listening as talking.

Becky Brothers

English Faculty

Recommends

Fair and Tender Ladies

By

Lee Smith

Why? 

“This novel opens our eyes to the empty little towns and Wal-mart-paralyzed hamlets across Appalachia. Smith dives deep into mountain folk past and brings the old ways up to air. We see where all our precious heritage has slipped away to. I love this book because it shows just how advanced these disrespected communities are. And I love it because it serves as a cautionary tale we would all do well to heed.”

Studies have shown that regular contact with nature increases a sense of well-being as well as reduces stress. But in the midst of a busy work and family life, days can go by without any real time enjoying the natural world. So this week, make an effort to enjoy the outside. Fall is a perfect time, since the weather is not too hot or cold and the trees are changing colors.

• Go for a walk after work or during your lunch break.
• Go watch a football game (in person). For the past five Saturdays, I’ve watched nine-year-olds play flag football at one of the parks. It was fun to get out in the fresh air.
• Plant bulbs for next spring’s garden.
• Go to Radnor or Warner parks to enjoy the leaves turning, or take a bike ride on the Natchez Trace.
• And if you really can’t get out and about, then put some plants in your home and office.