A recent article in The New York Times reported on a study in the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography on the very real and harmful effects of workplace gossip.

But my topic today is not on the evils of workplace gossip or gossip in general. We may have all been taught that gossip is bad, but chances are we all indulge in it occasionally. And we know the difference between the occasional gossip that maybe bonds folks together and that which intends to do damage. My topic today is how to avoid the gossiper who is obviously wanting to do the latter.

The malicious workplace gossiper is depending on two things: one that you will agree and help spread the rumors but also that you won’t report him or her to the subject of the gossip. Therefore, the gossiper is usually eager to get you to say something as well. So one of the most basic ways to get rid of such a person is to simply not agree. Saying something like, “Oh, well, I like that decision” or “I’ve always been treated fairly by our boss” can send such a person running. So why don’t more of us do it? One reason is that we’re often afraid of becoming that person’s next target.

A second approach might be to turn the gossip into a serious discussion. Malicious gossipers are usually not interested in solving a problem, but in blaming someone else. Asking “what do you think should have been done” often turns the conversation in another direction.

A third approach which worked for a friend of mine (at least during the month of January) was to say loudly when someone started in on gossip, “Oh no. My resolution for this year was not to talk about people” and then to walk off.

There is probably no simple answer, but being aware when gossip starts to turn malicious can help us keep our workplaces happier.

I had an interesting encounter with a colleague today. She was telling me about a problem, and I suggested something she should do to solve it. She was quite put out with me. “I just need to talk,” she said. “I want sympathy right now. That’s really something you should work on.”

Which it is. On the whole Mars/Venus thing, I usually come down more on the male side. When people tell me problems, my first instinct is to find a way to solve them, especially in the workplace.

I wonder at what point in our development does communication get so messed up? My three-year-old buddy has no problem. She says what she thinks, and if she asks for something, that’s what she wants, not something else. But for most of us, communication, with both loved ones and co-workers, ranks high on our problem list.

In this month’s O magazine, Tim Jarvis gives some pointers in “Hear Me, Hear Me.” One tip is to simply start noticing how people react to you. Now my colleague made it easy for me. She told me plain out that I wasn’t being sensitive to her problem and that what she needed was sympathy not solutions. But most of the time, the signs are more subtle. Here are some of Jarvis’s tips:

• You think you’re being helpful but notice that people are avoiding making eye contact with you or physically drifting away or nodding just to get you to stop talking. You may have gained a reputation as a know-it-all or someone who is always criticizing others. No one likes to feel constantly criticized. How to get back on track? Take a moment to ask people if they need your help. If they say no, no matter how much it hurts, back away.
• You’re talking, but noticed that others are fidgeting or even interrupting you. What’s going on? Well, assuming that you don’t work with complete social Neanderthals who know nothing about politeness, there could be a case of differing communication styles going on. This happens to me a lot. Although I’m an English major and love a good story as much as the next person, I don’t like long drawn-out descriptions of problems in the workplace. I need you to tell me the problem in one succinct sentence, and if I need more information, I’ll ask. So yes, if people start with the ancient history of the problem and start slowly working their way up to its current state, I’ll be doing some fidgeting, and I may even interrupt. So how to solve this problem? Look at how these people communicate; then work to match their styles more closely.
• Be clear about what you want from the encounter. Like my colleague today, if you simply want someone to listen to your problem, then say so at the beginning.
• Don’t spend a lot of time blaming. It really is a sad truth: No  one likes blamers; even when they’re right, most people come away from an encounter with them with a more negative feeling toward the blamer than the blamee. And in the workplace, more is accomplished when the effort is on solving the problem, not blaming someone for it.

These tips just scratch the surface. There are tomes and tomes of books written on communication skills. And I recommend that you take a look at some of them. But if you don’t, just remember that old saying: God gave us two ears but one mouth. So spend twice as much time listening as talking.

Becky Brothers

English Faculty

Recommends

Fair and Tender Ladies

By

Lee Smith

Why? 

“This novel opens our eyes to the empty little towns and Wal-mart-paralyzed hamlets across Appalachia. Smith dives deep into mountain folk past and brings the old ways up to air. We see where all our precious heritage has slipped away to. I love this book because it shows just how advanced these disrespected communities are. And I love it because it serves as a cautionary tale we would all do well to heed.”

Studies have shown that regular contact with nature increases a sense of well-being as well as reduces stress. But in the midst of a busy work and family life, days can go by without any real time enjoying the natural world. So this week, make an effort to enjoy the outside. Fall is a perfect time, since the weather is not too hot or cold and the trees are changing colors.

• Go for a walk after work or during your lunch break.
• Go watch a football game (in person). For the past five Saturdays, I’ve watched nine-year-olds play flag football at one of the parks. It was fun to get out in the fresh air.
• Plant bulbs for next spring’s garden.
• Go to Radnor or Warner parks to enjoy the leaves turning, or take a bike ride on the Natchez Trace.
• And if you really can’t get out and about, then put some plants in your home and office.   

Sally Robertson

Librarian

Recommends

You are Here: Exposing the Vital Link Between What We Do and What That does to Our Planet

By

Thomas M. Kostigen

Why? 

“ Because, it goes around the world and tells what is happening in some key cities and how we are all connected by the six degree principle.   The first city Jerusalem, where the 3 major religions started, is being affected by the changing climate which is destroying our past.   It is a very well written and eye opening book for anyone at all concerned about our planet Earth.”

Wayne Neuendorf

Music Technology Faculty

Recommends

Sweet Soul Music: Rhythm and Blues and the Southern Dream of Freedom

By

Peter Guralnick

Why? 

“This is the definitive history of rhythm & blues and soul music in the American South.”

The Monday Motivator yesterday talked about narrowing down choices in life as a way of increasing happiness. But the same is also true when conducting research. When I was in high school, I could occasionally get away with telling my teacher that I couldn’t find enough sources. Now, if a student used that excuse, he or she would be laughed out of the room. For example, a search on “depression” in Academic Search Premier brings up 87,917 hits. Pretty overwhelming, isn’t it?  So how do you narrow down your sources so that you can get what you need.  There are some quick and easy tips that will help:

• Know your databases.  If you are doing a literature or philosophy search, you might decide to start with JSTOR or Literature Research Center. WilsonWeb has a business database. By starting with the most likely database for your topic, you can narrow down your search. If it’s too narrow, you can go and search one of the larger, multidisciplinary databases.
• Limit your search options. Remember that 87,917 hits in AcademicSearch Premier? Well, if you choose the following search options:
  • Full Text
  • Scholarly Journals
  • Limit the date to those articles after 2004

Then suddenly you’re down to 16,760. Still a lot. So let’s go to our next step.

• Narrow down your search terms. Let’s say that your study on depression only involves the elderly. Now you’re down to 823.
  • But perhaps you can go another step. You’re only interested in depression and older men. Now we’re down to 58.
  • And the final step: Take a look at the summaries and abstracts. See if the information is what you need. Only then do you have to read the entire article.

Remember it’s not the number of sources that count. It’s the quality!

You might think that the title this week is a typo. We all like  having choices. No one wants to be told what to wear, what career to pursue, what church to go to, or even what television show to watch. But research shows that after a certain amount, people’s happiness actually decreases when faced with a myriad of choices.

Why?

• It is simply overwhelming to face the sheer number of choices available. You might expect to have to do some research on cars or careers. But now it seems that every decision requires sorting through choice after choice.
• The sheer number of choices can paralyze some people and keep them from ever making a decision at all.
• Folks often have raised expectations about what they’ll get or how they’ll feel once they make a choice.
• Folks often feel a sense of regret after making a choice, that perhaps they didn’t make the right one.

So in the world of too many choices, how do we wisely limit ours?

• Decide on the front end how important a choice is and then budget your time accordingly. Buying a house merits taking months to research and consider all your options. Buying a cell phone not so much.
• As much as overachievers will hate this, some choices are fine if they are simply good enough. If all I need a washing machine to do is clean my clothes, then do I really need to research all the capabilities of all the models to find the perfect one?
• Don’t expect perfection, no matter how many choices you have.
• Once you’ve made your choice, stop the investigation! Let it go.
• And though this may seem to contradict the previous bullet, keep in mind that very few choices in life have to be permanent. You can always choose a new path, whether it’s a new career or a new cell phone.

Michael Kiggins

English Faculty

Recommends

Maus I and II

By

Art Spiegelman

Why?

“This landmark work is a gripping account of the Shoah (or, the Holocaust) as narrated primarily from the perspective of the son of two survivors. This graphic novel is drawn in simple but stark black-and-white style, and it portrays people of different ethnicities or nationalities as different animals (e.g., Jews are drawn as mice, Nazis as cats, Poles as pigs, etc.). This work blurs the boundaries of biography, autobiography, fiction and meta-fiction, and it should be read by anyone who is interested in learning more about the long-term effects of the Shoah on both survivors and their children.”

According to Wikipedia, resilience is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and  catastrophe.

We’ve all known resilient people, those who have undergone traumatic events or illnesses and yet have remained positive and optimistic, still working towards goals. We’ve also all known people who are not, the folks, for whom every bump in the road, is a catastrophe, who are carrying hurts from a decade ago as if it were yesterday.

Obviously, resilience is a trait that makes people happier and more productive. Therefore, it is a trait worth developing in ourselves, our children, and our students. So what are the characteristics of the resilient?

• They know how to manage stress.
• They don’t quit too easily.
• But they don’t stay committed to an unaccomplishable goal.
• They ask for help.
• They break down big goals into smaller ones.
• They celebrate little victories along the way.
• They see things realistically.
• They see the humor in life.
• They have self control.
• They are happy.

In general, all of these characteristics can be developed in ourselves and in others. And resilience is a skill worth developing since we can’t control all what happens to us, only our response to such events.