The Library Losers: In Which Our Heroines Fall Asleep and Dream They’re On “The Biggest Loser”

The first week of classes has taken its toll on the Losers. After a busy day of chasing down students, we all fell asleep and had the same dream:

The Biggest Loser Comes to Nashville State:

The Weigh In.

Allison asks the green team to prepare to weigh in.  “First is Amy.”

Amy steps up to the scale. Allison asks her how she did.

“I think okay. I’ve continued to work out with a trainer. My pants fit better. I’ve lost inches as well.”

She weighs. “You’ve lost one pound.”

Applause. Bob and Jillian look pleased. They have learned to lower their expectations at NSCC.

“Next up, Pam.”

Pam comes up, but before stepping on the scale, she says, “I just want you to know I feel so much better about my life now that I’m eating better. I’m choosing blueberries and skim milk and all sorts of good foods. I just feel so better about my life. I think I have real goals now. And . . .”

Allison interrupts. “That’s great. But we need to get this show over with.”

Pam steps on the scale. A quick shot to Bob and Jillian. Their eyes are glistening with tears of emotion. Pam has lost 2 pounds. She leaps in the air and runs to hug all her teammates. “Plus,” she yells out, “I’m sure my running bra, spandex pants, and tennis shoes added at least 2 pounds. I bet I’ve lost even more.”

Allison calls up Emily. “You should take off your tshirt.”

Emily shakes her head. “No. And I’m not weighing either. Because I’m a millenial. And we’re cynical. But I will do it if you won’t like me. Because I’m torn between being liked and getting my way.”

Allison shakes her head. “Just get on the scale.”

Emily does and weighs the same. “For any other group,” Allison says, “this would be a disappointment. But we’ve learned to lower expectations for you all.”

Allison looks over the group. “Okay, Faye, it’s your time.”

Faye jumps on the scale. Allison asks her how she thinks she did.

“Mmmghmmghm.”

Bob and Jillian look outraged. Allison yells, “Look at those crumbs on her chest. She’s eating cookies while she weighs. Everyone get her.’

The moral to this dream: Don’t bring “The Biggest Loser”  to NSCC. We are the ones that can make Jillian cry.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s