Each summer, the networks announce the new television shows for fall. And there is always a gaping hole in the various lineups: the lack of librarians. So the Jolly Librarian would like to make a few suggestions to remedy this situation. In no particular order, here are some shows she would like to see on TV:
- CSI: The Library— An intrepid group of librarians examine papers and documents for plagiarism and shoddy research in the never-ending quest to provide citizens with the best information possible. This does not go over well with politicians and business conglomerates willing to use any tactic available to shut them down.
- Konan the Librarian (thanks to Nancy Nolan for this)–In the age of barbarians, there is one lone librarian who is trying to conserve this new thing called knowledge. She must contend with barbarians who would rather use the stone tablets for battle than literacy.
- The New England Patriots–A quirky group of librarians trade quips, insults, and double entendres as they battle bumbling federal agents who are trying to obtain the reading histories of the patrons.
- Survivor: Library Style— Young, attractive people are forced to dress up in sensible shoes, tweed skirts, and khakis and must either have buzz cuts or hair pulled back in buns. They are then forced to endure various sorts of trials, such as finding information without using Google, shelving books according to the Library of Congress, or hunting down the lizard that has somehow made its home in the printer paper stacks. Judged by the Jolly Librarian and rotating celebrity guests, the loser will be sent away with the words, “X, you are no librarian. Take off your reading glasses and go home.”
- The Researcher: In a future when aliens have not only conquered the world but shut off humans’ access to electronic information, a lone librarian who remembers how to use card catalogs and indices holds the secret to humanity’s rescue. Unfortunately, she has spent the last twenty years in an asylum for believing that paper still has a place in the world. She distrusts both humans and aliens, and it’s never quite clear what side she’s on.