The Self-Improvement Chronicles: The Dirt on Dirt

Our assignment for this week: Keep the dirt outside by taking off your shoes the minute you come in the door. This not only keeps your house cleaner but prevents you from tracking in allergens. Not the most thrilling of assignments, but still if you hate housework and have allergies, it is a useful one.

The Jolly Librarian always takes off her shoes when she arrives home. In fact, more than once I have almost fallen flat on  my face trying to get my boots off at the door. But it’s worth it after the lizard experience.

One morning, I awoke and was about to go downstairs when I saw something on the stairs that seemed to have a head and feet and definitely should not have been on my stairs. So I did what I always do when I suspect an alien creature in  my house. I threw a book at it. (Not that I disrespect books; it’s just that a book is always the closest thing at hand.) When it didn’t move, I put on some heavy shoes and ventured toward it. It was half a lizard, the top half to be exact.

Now I have no cat that might have dragged it in. And I’m seriously doubting the possibility that it was cut in half and dragged itself halfway up my stairs before expiring. Therefore, the only logical explanation is that I stepped on its remains out in the parking lot and brought it on my shoe. So now I religiously remove my shoes at the door.

Now for our team reports for the week:

Emily’s response to my reminder:  “It hasn’t crossed my mind, so I must not feel that it would make my life better.”

Pam was much more effusive. In fact, by the time she finished mentioning all the things that could be dragged into her house, we were glad that we didn’t live in the country and hadn’t been invited over to her home. Here is a partial list:

  • Smeared soggy cat food from the front porch that got rained on
  • Decayed mulch stuck on my shoe from cutting through the flower patch
  • Hay from the strands flung all over my driveway—because the haybale was mildewing from being sat out during the Fall. I strewed it all over my gravel driveway—it looked so pretty…until it got wet, and…
  • Dog poop from the old, fat neighborhood stray who visits to lick up leftover cat food (except the soggy pieces I track in…)
  • Mud from the old garden plot…where I had to walk into it to pick up the stray paper plate that had twirled across the yard and landed there during the storm…

So our grades for this week:

Jolly Librarian– A

Pam– B (good work, but she still didn’t read the chapter)

Emily–C- (for being sassy)




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