Unlike some of my more intensely intellectual friends, I am not ashamed to admit that I not only own a television, but I also WATCH it. However, I am often disappointed by what I see. A lot of television is mediocre, and it doesn’t have to be. The cure is simple: Put more librarians on the screen.
Here are some of my recommendations for new and improved television shows:
- Survivor: The Library. A reality shows in which librarians look up information on various arcane topics while participating in activities like lifting weights, pushing giant tractor tires, and eating bugs. At the end of each episode, the loser would be told, “You are not the master of your information.” And just because it always make the women cry on America’s Next Top Model, there would be a makeover segment.
- The Bachelor/Bachelorette (Library Edition). The premise would be the same except one of the group trying to win the librarian’s heart would have a secret that could only be discovered with advanced research skills.
- CSI: Library. This is not so much a new show, but a request to add a librarian to one of the CSI teams. This person would uncover clues among the victim’s books, magazines, and mobile devices. (If Ryan Gosling could play this character, so much the better.)
- The Librarian in Apartment C. This would be a sitcom that goes against the librarian stereotype. Young librarians drink, eat, and love in the city. They make out with their love interests while answering “LiveChat” questions.
- The Librarian Truth Hour. Various internet rumors are splashed up on a screen, and a sarcastic, sassy librarian (who wears those sexy geek glasses) shoots each one down.
See, television doesn’t have to be mediocre. Just throw in some librarians.