Monday Motivator: Give Up on Change (Changing Others, that is)

Psychiatrist Michael Bennett wrote that if you want a self-help book on how to change other people, the book you should buy is how to perform at-home lobotomies.

This makes perfect sense, but we spend way too much time wanting people to change to make us happy. Add in the fact that we also don’t want to tell them what to do to make us happy (they should just know),  we spend a lot of time blaming other people for our unhappiness and waiting for them to change to suit us.

At this moment, I want:

  • a friend to at least pretend that he has some interest in my life as he gives speeches on how everything in the world shakes him up.
  • certain  Facebook friends to not use the horrible events in Paris as a platform for (what I consider) cruel and heartless views.
  • at least three people to not give me an argument every time I make a suggestion.
  • Chipotle to play more soothing music.

I am not going to get any of those things:

  • My friend has been self-centered for twenty years now. He’s not going to change.
  • I have friends on all sides of the political spectrum on Facebook, and unless I block them, I’m going to have to see some upsetting things.
  • Unless I want a puppet government, I need people who question my decisions.
  • Chipotle does not make its musical decisions based on their one librarian customer who wants to read quietly in the corner.

So the choices are all mine. I stay friends with certain people because they are more than their annoying habits. I hire people who will ask questions and challenge me because I believe that’s the way an organization stays strong. And Chipotle serves a fine chicken bowl.

At some point, I might make a different decision, but once again, that will be on me.

Unless that self-help lobotomy books becomes a reality.





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